One Piece Academy
by Starcrossedlover12
Summary: Nami's new school is NOT what she expected. Quite apart from the fact that everyone's a violent delinquent, she seems to get caught up in whatever turmoil is going on. Not only that, but several of these crazy guys have decided they'll do whatever it takes to possess her. NaxLu NaxSa NaxAce ZoxRo UsxKa Many pairings. No OC.
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note: I've twisted some things round to make a normal modern-day setting. Well, I say 'normal'… -_-''

Chapter 1: School for…delinquents?

Nami didn't find herself standing outside the dilapidated sight of the One Piece Academy by choice.

She dug her manicured nails deep into the strap of her school bag.

Arlong had called her a day ago.

"You will enroll in my school." He had said and Nami had heard the smile in his voice. "That is all."

Click! Phone down. End of conversation.

_Just a little more money._ She thought. _I don't need much now before I can buy back Cocoyashi House- the legacy that Bellemere-san left me and Nojiko._

She looked up at the school with new strength.

It may be a truly sorry sight with all the glass windows broken, ledges falling off and discarded pipes and metal scrap in the dusty courtyard, but so what?

So it was a little run-down, what did that really…?

There was a crash and she looked up just in time to see a desk flying out of a window and toward the ground, closely accompanied by a person.

Or maybe she couldn't do this.

xxx

"Nami Mikan?"

"Yes."

"You're in Class 1PC."

Nami nodded and walked down the filthy hall leading away from reception. Rubbish littered every corner and there were spots of something stained everywhere. Something red.

On the wall someone had scrawled:

_I will be the Delinquent King!_

What the hell…?

xxx

One Piece Academy only had three classes: 1PC, CP9 and MHQ.

They were roughly divided up by age, but it barely mattered.

The teaching standard was terrible in all three of them, but no one did anything about it because school inspectors were way too terrified to visit.

The elusive Headmaster- Mr Shanks- hadn't been seen in years and it was left up to the Vice Head and teacher of MHQ- Mr Sengoku- to run things.

Students fought daily. Gangs had been formed.

There were three gangs in particular that divided out into little sub-gangs of their own.

First, the 'Marines', as they called themselves. They had a strict code of honor toward whoever ran their section of the gang and they honed their skills religiously.

Next came the 'World Government' or WGs as everyone called them. They always dressed smartly in dark suits and ties and declared war and the right to pick on anyone they chose in the name of 'justice'.

And lastly, the 'Pirates'. They weren't known for their training and their uniforms were sloppy and unkempt. They were renowned for their raucous parties and for taking down anyone who so much as looked funny at a member of their gang. Their 'nakama'.

Apart from these three large groups that dominated the school, there were the people who went it alone. Sometimes in small groups, sometimes solo. The 'Rebels'.

Despite not being a strong collective force, they were not messed with easily and they were known for clashing with the WGs almost daily.

One Piece Academy was considered the worst school in the country.

So Nami was more than cautious when she opened her classroom door…

xxx

CRASH!

_Oh God._ Nami thought as she fell. _I've been shot._

But she hadn't.

A slim, yet muscular guy with a shock of jet-black hair and tanned skin had just rammed into her from the front and sent her catapulting backwards into the hall.

"Oi, Luffy!" Someone yelled. "Be careful! You hit someone!" A long-nosed guy with curly hair ran to the doorway. "Ah, we're really sorry, miss!"

Nami struggled upright. "What the hell?" She demanded.

"Ah, sorry, sorry!" The guy called 'Luffy' currently clambering off of her didn't look very sorry. He had a huge grin on his face. "My bad!"

Nami got even more pissed off just looking at his carefree face.

"You're damn right it's your bad!" She snapped.

Luffy's smile vanished and he quailed under her furious expression. "I-I'm really sorry!" He amended with more sincerity, obviously terrified.

"Huh." Nami slung her bag back on her shoulder. "Fine then."

"She's scary." Whispered the long-nosed guy and Luffy nodded violently.

"Shut up!" Nami spat, sending them reeling back again.

"Ah, you must be the new girl."

Nami turned to see who had addressed her. She blinked twice. "A raccoon?"

"I'm a reindeer!" The raccoon/reindeer yelled, before composing himself and continuing. "I'm Dr Chopper. I'm 1PC's teacher and I double as the school doctor."

"Oh." Nami said.

_The school doctor? That must be a busy job in a school like this…_

"Morning, Chopper-sensei!" Luffy grinned.

"Good morning Luffy, Usopp." Chopper nodded. "Everyone here?"

Nami was surprised to see that there weren't many people in Class 1PC.

She took the empty seat by the window and looked around rather desolately.

Usopp seemed to sense her confusion.

"The first years don't last long here." He sighed. "There's not many of us left."

Nami winced. "Oh…really?"

_Jesus._

"In fact, I'm only still here because I joined Luffy's gang." Usopp pointed at Luffy who was currently talking animatedly to a girl with short green hair who sat on the other side of the classroom. It was then that Nami noticed he wore a straw hat. How weird.

"That idiot has a gang?" She raised an eyebrow.

"A Pirate gang." Usopp nodded. "And yes, he's an idiot. But he's strong."

It was true, Luffy was skinny and slight enough to seem weak, but Nami could see his six pack through his half-open school shirt and those twig-like arms looked wiry and unbreakable.

She looked away.

She hated gangs and gang members and wasn't about to join one.

"Roll call!" Chopper-sensei said. "Luffy!"

"Yo!" Luffy called.

"Usopp!"

"Yeah!" Usopp raised his hand.

"Caimie!"

"Yup!" The girl with short green hair smiled.

"Apis!"

A small girl with flaxen plaits raised her hand. "Present!"

"Coby!"

The guy in the seat behind Nami jumped to his feet, making her jump. "Here, sir!" He saluted.

_Another weirdo._ She thought wryly.

"Helmeppo!"

"Here." Groaned a guy from the back.

"Jewelry Bonney!"

A pink-haired girl, who had been ravenously devouring pizza since Nami had come in, managed between mouthfuls: "Mm-here-mm."

"Gimmie some!" Luffy went for the pizza and got kicked across the room for his trouble.

"Kaya!"

There was a silence.

"She…came down with a fever last night." Usopp said and his eyes clouded with worry.

"Who's Kaya?" Nami asked him. "Your friend?"

"His _girlfriend_." Bonney guffawed.

"So cute!" Caimie cooed.

"Shut up!" Usopp went red.

At that moment, the door was kicked open by a guy with blue hair and the reddest nose Nami had ever seen.

"And Buggy," Chopper-sensei closed the registration book. "Including our new girl- Nami- that's everyone."

"You're late, Buggy-chin!" Caimie wagged her finger at him.

"Yeah, I know!" Buggy slammed down onto his seat. He looked over at Nami. "Who's the new hot stuff?"

Nami twitched.

"I wouldn't, man," Usopp warned him. "She's scarier than she looks."

Nami slapped him upside the head.

"Well," Chopper-sensei said. "Let's get on with today's class. I thought we'd begin by checking through our Chemistry homework, before moving on to-"

"Luffy!" The door was kicked in because people apparently couldn't use handles and there stood a tall man with short green hair and three earrings. Nami stared at the things attached to his belt. Were those…_swords_?

"Yo, Zoro. What's up?" Luffy grinned.

"Zoro, we're starting class!" Chopper wailed.

Zoro ignored him completely. "It's CP9 vs MHQ, wanna join?" He had a rakish grin.

"No!" Squeaked Usopp.

"Hell yeah!" Luffy jumped up. He grinned at Nami. "Let's go!"

"Huh?" Nami stared at him. "Why me?"

"Cuz I think you're cool. C'mon!"

One moment Nami was seated and the next she was hanging in mid-air as Luffy grabbed hold of her waist.

"Let's go, Usopp!" He beamed.

"B-but! Luffy!"

"Luffy!" Chopper seconded helplessly.

"Yay!" Luffy cried. "Another adventure!"

"Help me!" Nami screamed.

_I want out of this freaking school!_ She thought as she was torn from the classroom.

xxx

_To Be Continued…_

_Next Chapter: I Will Be The Delinquent King!_

_Nami meets the rest of Luffy's crazy gang and two guys who might just be falling for her._


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: I Will Be The Delinquent King!

In the dusty courtyard shaded only by shadows of the sparse cypress trees, stood the two groups of crazy people currently staring each other down.

"Cool!" Luffy dropped Nami to the ground. "Who's fighting?"

"It's Fullbody, Enel and Aokiji against Franky, Law, the blonde idiot and your brother." Zoro grinned. "But Akainu and Kizaru look like they wanna fight too so I came to get you."

"Sure!" Luffy flexed his arms. "Can't wait!"

There seemed to be a large number of spectators crowded around to watch the fight and Nami realized that lessons really meant next to nothing in this school.

"That Donflamingo's lookin' like he wants to go at it," Zoro put his hand on the hilt of his sword, then seemed to notice Nami for the first time. "Hey, who's that?" He looked at Luffy.

_He could ask me._ Nami glared at him.

Luffy beamed. "Our new nakama."

"Oh." Zoro said.

"It's not 'oh'!" Nami yelled. "I'm _not_ your nakama!"

The MHQ guys seemed to have gone into some kind of fight plan huddle, so Class CP9- the second years- made their way towards Luffy.

"Yo!" A guy with sunglasses and blue hair standing on end yelled. "We're about to take these suckers _do-wn_!"

"Aniki!" Behind him, two girls with square hair looked at him with shining eyes.

"Oi, shitty marimo head!" A handsome blonde in a uniform so smart he could have been a WG member, pulled a cigarette out of his lips and exhaled a cloud of smoke. "We don't need your shitty reinforcements, we-" He noticed Nami.

She looked back at him.

He seemed frozen for a moment, then:

"What is this exquisite jewel I see before me?" Out of nowhere, a sparkling rose was proffered and he was down on one knee, his cool, dark eyes had become flaming love-hearts. "Oh sweet princess, as soon as I had the privilege to set eyes on your perfect form- I was enchanted!"

Nami looked around wildly, but everyone had deadpan faces- like they had seen this many, many times before.

"Stupid idiot." Zoro muttered.

"May I know the name of the gorgeous lady that will now forever haunt my shameless dreams and my unwavering heart?"

"Er," Nami managed. "Nami."

"Nami!" He breathed, swooning. "The name of the brightest angel in my sky!"

"This is Sanji." A guy with black hair and freckles pointed down to him. "He does this a lot."

"Nami-san's different!" Sanji snapped. "She's a full ten out of ten!"

"Whatever, man," The guy laughed and grinned at Nami. "I'm Ace." He said. "This idiot's older brother." He ruffled Luffy's hair.

"Hey, Ace!" Luffy protested, pulling away.

"And I'll say this much," Ace grinned at Nami and moved closer. "Sanji's got good taste."

Nami blushed.

"Hey, listen, you bastard!" Sanji faced Ace down furiously. "You keep your greasy paws off my Nami-swan!"

"Can't keep all the pretty girls to yourself, Sanji." Ace said.

Sanji seemed to disagree.

"Stop hitting on Nami!" Luffy snapped. "She's our new nakama!"

"Really?" Sanji looked so delighted that Nami didn't have the heart to shout Luffy down.

"Well, aren't we lucky?" Ace winked in her direction.

"Are you all in Luffy's gang?" Nami asked.

"Yup!" Luffy grinned. "After all, I'm gonna be the Delinquent King!"

_The what?_ Nami blinked.

"No!" Ace glared at him. "I told you Luffy, I'm in Whitebeard's gang." His pleasant expression returned. "But that's outside of school. For now, I just help these idiots out when they need it."

"I'm Franky!" The sunglasses-and-blue-hair one cried and struck a pose. He was wearing a Hawaiian shirt instead of a white school one.

"Trafalgar Law."

Nami hadn't noticed the dark skinned, grey-eyed guy in a fur hat who had joined the party almost silently.

"He's in my gang." Luffy said.

"Screw you, Luffy," Law glared at him. "I don't take orders from you."

"He's just sayin' that." Luffy nodded and Law rolled his eyes.

"Nami."

Nami jumped as she heard a voice that sent a chill up her spine.

"Arlong!" She turned.

There stood the towering, fierce man who had taken over and ruined her life for the past ten years.

Ace frowned. "You _know_ him?"

Before Nami could reply, Arlong said: "Of course she does. She's my girl after all."

Nami bit her lip so hard it hurt.

"_**WHAT?**_" Sanji was horrified.

"Huh?" Luffy glared. "Nami's our nakama!"

"Is she?" Arlong's cold eyes looked down at Nami, who looked away.

"I told you," She said faintly. "I'm not your nakama."

And she walked away.

xxx

Ten years ago, Nami had lived with her foster mother- Bellemere-san- and adopted sister-Nojiko- when disaster struck.

Bellemere-san had once been a rich heiress, but, after coming back from the Army, she found that her fortune lay in ruins, but the servants- such as the loyal head Butler- Gen-san- remained out of loyalty and love for the family.

They never had much money, but they had always been one big, happy family.

Until Arlong came.

Brandishing documents saying that Bellemere-san's family owed him money, he had threatened to take away Nami and Nojiko and sell them off to the black market.

Bellemere-san had lost her life trying to protect them.

Nami and Nojiko might have gone the same way too, but then Arlong discovered the Nami was a genius in business navigation and, with her direction, he would become even richer.

So, Nami was forced to work off the debt one job at a time.

It was the only way she could protect Nojiko, Gen-san and all of the servants at Cocoyashi House from Arlong's wrath.

Bit by bit, she had almost done it.

Just a few more months, and then she'd be free.

xxx

The next day at school, Luffy met Nami by her locker.

"Hey, Nami!" He grinned.

"You again." Nami muttered. "What do you want?"

"Nothin'."

"Then why exactly are you talking to me?"

"Cuz you're my nakama." He said simply.

Nami shoved her books into her locker. "I'm not your nakama, Luffy." She said. "Get lost."

"Luffy~!"

They both looked up to see a beautiful girl in the third-year class- MHQ- looking at Luffy with adoring blue eyes. "So this is where you were!"

"Oh crap." Said Luffy.

Nami frowned. "Isn't that Boa Hancock, the model?"

"Yeah, that's Hammock." Luffy said grimly.

"Why is she talking to you?" _And I thought her name was 'Hancock'…?_

"Never mind that," Luffy grabbed her wrist. "Run!"

"Wha-? Wait!" Nami squealed as Luffy yanked her out of the locker room, through the narrow hallway, down the stone steps and across the dusty courtyard towards a large grey building peeking shyly out from above the scorched cypresses.

"Where are we going?" Nami demanded.

"The Going Merry!" Luffy grinned.

"The…what?"

To expand the school in a futile attempt to make it better, One Piece Academy had bought a neighboring coffee shop _The Going Merry_- to convert it into a set of DT classrooms.

They needn't have wasted their money.

So few lessons took place in the academy that the building was never even used.

But it had become the official base of Luffy's nakama.

Now, he pulled Nami up the long flight of steps and out into the open, on the roof.

To Nami's shock, everyone was already there.

"Nami-swaaaan~!" Sanji whirled towards her.

"Hey, Nami!" Usopp waved.

"Have ya brought any booze?" Zoro demanded.

"I think you've had enough, Mr Swordsman." Robin smiled.

"Mind your own business!" Zoro went red.

"How many fingers am I holding up?"

"_Hey_!"

Robin giggled as Zoro glared at her.

"Look who's here," Ace said, grinning at Nami.

Law and Franky were playing cards on a beaten by poker table on the side of the roof.

"You win again!" Franky slammed the table.

"Guess I do." Law grinned.

"Sure you're not cheating?"

"Me?" The grey eyes blinked innocently and Nami's eyes narrowed as she spotted two aces and a king stuffed in his back pocket.

"Nami-swan, I've saved you a seat right next to me!" Sanji gestured.

"Hey, Zoro! Get Nami a drink! And I want some meat!" Luffy cried.

"Do I _look_ like a waiter?" Zoro spat.

"I'll make some takoyaki!" Caimie got up.

"How-?" Nami began, then shut up as Caimie bought a steaming hot plate from seemingly nowhere.

"Okay, listen up guys!" Luffy yelled. "We're gonna have the best party of the term right now! You understand me?"

"AYE!" Everyone yelled.

Nami couldn't help but smile as Sanji poured her drink, Robin teased Zoro, Law cheated his way through six games without batting an eyelash and Luffy danced around like a crazy person.

Okay, maybe she could hold up a term.

As the party whipped itself up into full swing, Luffy leaned over and clinked his glass with hers.

Their eyes caught.

His were warm and dark.

Or two terms, come to that.

xxx

_To Be Continued…_

_Next Chapter: Exams, WGs and The Clima-Tact_

_Luffy faces his greatest opponent: exams. Lucci, Kalifa and Kaku pick a fight. Meanwhile, Nami manages to make an enemy of the whole school when she electrocutes them all half to death._


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: Exams, WGs and the Perfect Clima-Tact

"The results of your mock assessments are in," Chopper-sensei said. "I will admit, I think _some_ of you could have tried harder."

Glares at Luffy and Buggy were thrown.

"But I'm pleased at some people's progress." Chopper-sensei looked gratefully at Nami and Coby- the class's saving grace. "Buggy, can I ask you to pass out the papers?"

"Why've I gotta do it?" Buggy demanded.

"Alright then," Chopper-sensei gritted his teeth. "Helmeppo?"

"I'm tired!" Helmeppo complained.

"Luffy?" Chopper massaged his temple with his hoof, thinking that he really should have stuck to being a doctor.

"Sure thing!" Luffy bounded across the classroom, scooped them up, then missed his footing on the side of the table. "Whoa, whoa!" He yelled, catching himself and sending the papers flying out of the window like a snow storm in the middle of summer.

Nami dragged her palm across her face.

She could've predicted _that_ outcome.

"Oh," Luffy rubbed the back of his neck and gave everyone his signature carefree grin. "My bad."

Because Chopper-sensei looked like he was about to kill himself, Nami hastily offered to collect the test papers and dragged Luffy with her.

"Jeez, Nami," Luffy whined as she tugged him along by his cheek. "Why do I have to go too?"

"Because it's your fault, idiot!"

The day was hot and dusty and Nami caught her short hair in the breeze and tied it into two small pigtails.

Luffy was watching her. "Hey, Nami," He said.

"What?"

"Do you like meat?"

Nami sighed, spotting a test paper lying in the distance and making her way towards it. "I guess."

"You know something?" Luffy followed her.

"Enlighten me, Luffy."

"Your eyes are the color of meat."

Nami whirled to face him. "_What_?"

But Luffy was looking at her without a hint of irony and Nami realized that in his strange little mind, this was a compliment of the highest order.

Nami scooped up the test paper. "Thank you."

Luffy grinned and chuckled.

"So," Nami said, once they had collected all the papers and met in the middle of the yard, shade thrown over them from the wrought iron bike shed. "The exams are soon."

Luffy, who didn't do small talk, groaned. "I'm so hungry!" His stomach growled.

"Are you planning on revising?" Nami was determined to forge on anyway.

"Revising?" Luffy repeated as if trying out a word in a foreign language. "What does _that_ taste like?"

"It's not a food, stupid!" Nami thumped him on the head.

"Well, well, Mugiwara,"

Luffy and Nami looked up and Nami felt her heart drop.

Shit. WGs.

Three of them stood before her. One guy with black hair and a pigeon on his shoulder, a long-nosed guy with a baseball cap and a tall blonde woman with glasses reflecting her lilac eyes.

"Oh." Luffy said. "You guys."

"You know them?" Nami hissed.

"Kinda." Luffy admitted.

"What's 'kinda'?"

"Well, I beat them up, but I guess we were never properly introduced."

The pigeon guy's eyes narrowed. "That was a fluke, Mugiwara. I'm much stronger now, I think you'll find."

The blonde gave Nami a once-over. "Oh, look! He's out with his little girlfriend."

Nami bristled. "No, I-! I mean-! No! Tell them, Luffy!"

"Huh?" Luffy blinked.

"Tell them I'm not your girlfriend!"

"But you are."

"WHAT?"

"You're a girl and you're my friend. Girlfriend."

Nami massaged her temples.

Had no one ever explained _anything_ to this boy?

"Aww, he's so precious." The blonde smirked. "It must be nice to be so clueless."

Nami struggled for her composure. "Who _are_ you people exactly?"

A rather nasty smirk flickered like dim candlelight at the pigeon guy's mouth. "Do excuse us," He said. "I'm Lucci. And this is Kaku and Kalifa."

"They threatened Robin one time," Luffy seemed to be holding his own conversation with Nami, blanking the other three. "Zoro went crazy at them. Especially that one." He pointed at Kaku.

"I'd like to see him try it again." Kaku said dangerously.

The window above them flew open.

"Luffy! Nami!" Chopper yelled. "Have you collected the papers yet?"

"Yeah!" Luffy yelled.

"Better let the little kids run back to class." Kalifa smirked and Nami decided at that moment that one day, somehow, she was gonna kick that girl's ass.

"Excuse us." She muttered, grabbed Luffy's arm and pulled him away.

The three disappeared back into the shadows.

"That was weird," Luffy remarked. "Wonder what they wanted."

"Something unpleasant." Nami told him grimly.

xxx

"Sir," Kaku said. "Are you sure it was a good idea to co-operate with Arlong?"

"Of course!" The leader of their section of WGs- Spandam- leapt to his feet. "You see, Kaku, Mugiwara had taken that orange-haired girl in as his nakama. And Arlong has complete control over her. Arlong will make her break his spirit and then _we'll_ have our revenge!" He burst out into unnecessarily loud laughter.

"But still, sir-"

"Are you questioning my authority-?" Began Spandam, then caught his leg on the table and crashed to the floor, spilling a pot of hot tea all over himself. "OW! HOT! HOT! HOT!"

Lucci rolled his eyes and walked away. "Kalifa," He looked at her. "We're going."

Kaku twitched.

He still wasn't used to Kalifa and Lucci's relationship yet. Even if it _had_ been going on for a year.

Sometimes he despised himself for not saying anything to Kalifa sooner about his own feelings.

Now, it was just too late.

"Sure," Kalifa called to Lucci. "I'll be right there." She turned back to Kaku and rested a hand on his shoulder, lowering her mellow voice. "You can't challenge Spandam's decision. Remember our position."

And Kaku did remember it all too well.

Not only did Spandam control them in the gang, but his father was the boss of the huge corporation that Lucci, Kalifa and Kaku's parents worked in.

From a young age, they'd been instructed firmly by their parents to do whatever the pathetic, obnoxious brat told them to do.

Kaku was just thankful that he hadn't clicked his fingers for Kalifa.

He wouldn't be able to bear the suffering of seeing her with _that_ idiot.

Not that seeing her with his life-long best friend was much less painful.

"Kalifa," Spandam, who had recovered, ordered. "Get me more coffee!"

Kalifa pushed her glasses further up her nose. "That's sexual harassment."

"C-coffee is?" Spandam blinked.

"Kalifa!" Lucci's voice from the doorway.

"Gotta go." Kalifa threw Kaku a swift kiss on the cheek which made him tingle right down to the tips of his fingers. "I'll text you later."

"Sure." He managed and watched her retreating form. He had always thought that when her long blonde hair swished to and fro in the sun, it looked like sunshine itself.

xxx

"Nami,"

As soon as Nami heard Arlong's voice over the intercom, she got goose-bumps of revulsion.

She wasn't ready to deal with him tonight.

But she had to.

Ever since he had 'employed' her, she had her own studio apartment away from Cocoyashi House, which she lived in by herself.

It was a luxurious and spacious place, but it made Nami go cold all over.

Because _he_ had bought it for her.

She tugged a dressing gown over her slip (it was ten and she had been preparing for bed) and went to the door.

"Nami," He said again when he saw her. His smile had an edge. "Excuse the interruption."

"Just get on with it, Arlong. I'm tired." Nami said curtly.

She was no longer small enough for him to strike her for any rudeness.

"Just one quick thing for you Nami, a little assignment."

"If you're going to talk about the stocks, it's like I said: the climate isn't so good. No new investments and make sure your bonds _stay_ sold-"

"No, no, Nami," Arlong chuckled. "I follow your excellent business advice to the letter. I'd never second guess you on that."

"Then what is it, Arlong?"

"I have a new alliance with a WG gang,"

"Oh?" Nami didn't see how that was her problem. "Well, Arlong, you made a new friend. Quite the momentous occasion for you. How many is that? Like three now?"

Arlong's smile only widened, which made her uneasy.

"I hear you've been hanging out with that Mugiwara brat quite a lot."

Nami shifted from foot to foot, picking her words carefully. "He's…air-headed. I get bored so who else am I supposed to talk to?"

"No, no, Nami, you've mistaken me," Arlong said. "I'm not blaming you. In fact, it's a good thing."

"Really?" Nami was surprised.

"Yes. In fact, your assignment concerns him," Arlong leaned forward. "Let's face it, Nami. You're a beautiful girl. No, a stunning young woman. Men look at you no matter where you go. And I'll bet this Mugiwara boy is no different."

Nami could barely hold back laughter.

Old Monkey. D "No Hormones" Luffy?

Arlong would be surprised.

"What about it?" Nami thought she'd play along.

"I want you to break his heart."

Nami froze.

"Lull him in. I'll pretend to relinquish you fully into his gang, you'll work your wiles, he'll fall in love and," His eyes were glittering. "I want you to break his heart in the most painful way possible."

"No." Nami said, without thinking and Arlong's eyes narrowed.

"I mean," Nami amended hastily. "He's not the kind of guy who would fall for me. Or, any girl for that matter. He may be seventeen, but he still acts like a little kid!"

"Then," Arlong hissed, his expression growing unfriendly. "Find. A. Way."

Nami bit her lip.

"Or do you want your family at Cocoyashi House to suffer?"

Dead silence. Nami felt so shaken she couldn't even meet is gaze.

"Thought not." Arlong turned towards the door, in a better mood now he knew he had her cornered. "Sweet dreams, little Nami. Get some sleep now." He looked over his shoulder at her. "I'm glad I picked you for this job. If there's one person I know in the world capable of being so cold-hearted and harsh as this, it would be you."

xxx

"Nami-chin?"

_Break his heart._

"Nami-chin? Hello?"

Nami snapped to attention as Caimie poked her arm.

It was her left arm- the arm without Arlong's tattoo on the shoulder (she covered it up with as much concealer as she could usually or wore short sleeves) but it still made her flinch.

"Are you okay, Nami-chin?" Caimie frowned.

"Huh? Oh. Yeah." Nami forced a smile.

"I just wanted to ask how you think your exam went."

Nami inwardly groaned as she recalled.

It was pretty hard to concentrate with Luffy hissing in your ear: "Hey, Nami? Did you get the answer for number one?"

"Get lost, Luffy." She had hissed back. "Do it yourself."

"But I can't read this language!"

"It's math. It's not a language. It's numbers."

Which had only thrown Luffy all the more.

"Then…what do I do with them?"

"Divide!" Nami snapped, casting a worried glance over at Chopper-sensei. But he was half-dead with exhaustion so it didn't really matter.

"Di…what?" He had stared at her. "What kind of food is that?"

"Not everything is food, Luffy!"

That idea was just about enough to cause a Luffy Mindfuck for the next few hours.

Nami had never _seen_ anyone go so pale.

"Nami," Usopp walked over to her desk, grinning. "I've got a surprise for you."

"What?" Nami sat up. "Is it money?"

"No," Usopp rolled his eyes. "It's because you're in quite a scary school and now you're Luffy's nakama-"

"Which I never agreed to." Nami added in.

"-I thought you could use some protection."

He held out his hand and produced a long blue metal stick.

Nami took it. "I always wanted a stick." She said.

"It's more than a stick!" Usopp snapped. "It can produce heat and cold water and even electricity. Just be careful with the dial."

Nami flipped the stick over. "This dial?" She pointed.

"Yeah." Usopp said. "Don't turn it all the way up. Because that would be bad."

"How bad?" Nami's hand danced over the dial. It was a 'Do Not Push This Button' situation.

"Very. Bad." Usopp emphasized, seeing the mischievous glint in her eye.

"Oh fine." Nami complied reluctantly, about to take her hand away.

"HEY!" Luffy leapt into the classroom.

And Nami's hand slipped.

For ten whole seconds, the entirety of One Piece Academy's student and teacher population was electrocuted.

Except Nami, who sat there, the eye of the hurricane.

When she finally got herself together as everyone fried around her, and twisted the dial back to its original position, she could almost _hear_ the rumbling of anger in the distance.

"Oh. Shit." She muttered.

"WHO THE HELL DID THAT?" The entire school was screaming.

_Time to drop out._ Nami decided.

xxx

**Author's Note: I never really hated CP9- it was that freaking Spandam I couldn't stand. Love Kaku. He's my favourite character from that particular arc, so he's the main of one of my subplots now XD. Please tell me what you think of the Lucci-Kalifa-Kaku love triangle and of Luffy and Nami's relationship in this (Sanji and Ace come a bit later into it all). I'm nuts about getting the characterization right so please tell me if you think anyone's OC.**

**I love getting reviews and chuckling to myself in a I'm-such-a-genius, egotistical kind of way.**

xxx

_To Be Continued…_

_Next Chapter: Seducing A Moron_

_Love is in the air! Nami needs to seduce Luffy to keep Cocoyashi House safe and puts her best foot forward- until Ace catches on, that is. Kaku is torn between his friendship with Lucci and his love for Kalifa and Zoro and Robin have a date!_


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Note: Kind of a long chapter, but it's the main plot with two different subplots so I kinda went wild on this one. I wanted a bit more romance this time around. ^^**

Chapter 4: Seducing A Moron

"Good morning!" Nami waved cheerfully as she entered the room. "How is everyone today?"

"YOU!" Buggy and Usopp glared at her.

Luffy laughed. "They're still pretty pissed about yesterday!"

"_Understatement_!" Buggy and Usopp spat.

As soon as Nami had successfully electrocuted the entire school, she had found that it was easier to swallow loyalty rather than blood.

"WHO THE HELL DID THAT?" About fifty hardened delinquents had burst in through the doors.

"Them." Nami pointed at Buggy and Usopp.

"_What_?" Usopp screeched.

"We didn't!" Buggy cried.

"They're lying," Nami shook her head. "I saw it all."

"Get them!" The mob had cried and engulfed the two unfortunate boys.

Nami had shot them the 'peace' sign.

"Oh, come on!" She grinned. "Not still sore about that, are you?"

"In more than one way." Usopp glowered.

"Oh, Usopp-san," Giggled a girl on his left and now Nami noticed that the class had a new addition.

"Hello." She said, surprised. "Are you new too?"

"Oh no," The girl shook her fair head and smiled. "I've been here all year."

"Nami, this is Kaya," Usopp muttered. "Kaya, this is Nami the traitorous demon."

Kaya giggled again, got to her feet and bowed. "Hello, Nami the traitorous demon. You can't mind Usopp. He's just a little grumpy at the moment."

She shot a smile back at Usopp, who reddened a little. "Oi, Kaya!"

Kaya just smiled.

Nami sized Kaya up. She was beautiful.

Was _this_ the girl that Bonney had made the 'girlfriend' crack about?

Nami was impressed.

"Wow," She murmured to Buggy as Kaya re-seated herself beside Usopp and started talking to him quietly, putting her hand over his. "I can_not_ believe she's going out with him."

"No one can." Buggy said grimly.

"Hey, Nami!" Luffy waved at her and Nami's shoulders tightened as she remembered her mission.

She was to make him fall in love with her, then break his heart.

But what did that entail?

Nami had no idea how to go about it, so she had decided to appeal to plain old-fashioned lust.

She always wore rather tight tops ands and short skirts anyway, but today's school uniform had been re-invented into a low-cut camisole with the blazer slung over the shoulders, a tiny skirt, bare legs and ankle-high boots.

On her way to the classroom, every boy in the hall couldn't stop staring at her legs.

"Hey, Luffy," Nami smiled her sexiest smile and sat herself down on the edge of his chair. "Silly boy, you're tie's crooked!"

"Huh?" Luffy blinked.

"Here." Nami reached over and smoothed the fabric slowly with one hand.

"What are you doing?" Luffy frowned.

"Just helping you out." Nami smiled.

"Oh." Luffy looked a little uncomfortable and shifted in his seat.

_What the hell?_ Nami thought. _He seemed more into me when I was just being myself! What's _up_ with this guy?_

xxx

Last night, the last thing Kaku had expected was Kalifa.

After all, it was ten at night. His parents were out (as usual).

He had been planning just to sit and read for a while- he was normally so absorbed with whatever book he was on at the time that he didn't get to bed until midnight.

But he heard the doorbell ring as he picked up his book, and there was Kalifa standing on the mat. Her long blonde hair in a high ponytail, wearing jeans and a short white T-shirt.

"Hi." She said.

"H-hi." Kaku blinked.

"Can I come in for a bit?"

"Sure." He kicked the door wider.

"You won't mind if I stay for an hour or so, will you?"

"No, of course not."

_But I'd prefer if you stayed forever._

Kaku was past berating himself for his thoughts. He could dream, couldn't he?

"I'll make some tea." He said.

"I'll help."

"It's no trouble."

"No, please," Kalifa said urgently and Kaku recognized the restlessness in her tone. "I just need to be doing something right now."

Kaku sighed inwardly.

Lucci problems.

The symptoms were obvious.

And, sure enough, when they began to make the tea, Kalifa began her rant.

"I mean, I don't mind 'demanding'. But there's demanding, and then there's _demanding_. Don't you think?"

"Yeah." Kaku said.

"I mean, the other day, right, he said we'd go to the fish restaurant and I don't like the fish restaurant and that started him off on this big thing like it's all about me. It's not all about me. I don't like squid. So sue me."

"Right." Kaku poured the hot water into the cups. "So sue you."

"I don't know what's up with him recently," Kalifa went out of the kitchen to flop on the beige leather sofa. She picked up one of Kaku's mother's glossy magazines absently and flicked through it without reading. "That guy can be such a douche. Or maybe it's just guys in general."

"Jee, thanks." Kaku set her tea down for her wryly.

"Oh, I'm not talking about _you_, Kaku," Kalifa looked surprised. "I don't really see you as, like, a _man_. You're like my big brother." She scooped up the book on the table. "You reading this?"

"Yeah." Kaku said.

She wrinkled her perfect nose. "Looks difficult."

"It is," Kaku said quietly. "Very, very difficult."

The doorbell rang and Kaku was almost relieved for an excuse to focus his mind on other matters.

Unfortunately, they were only unfocused for a second.

"Lucci." Kaku said.

"Hey," Lucci stood with his hands in his pockets, as if waiting.

"Let me guess: Kalifa problems."

"Tch. How did you know?"

"She's here."

Lucci frowned. "She is?"

"Yup."

"Stupid woman." Lucci muttered. "Bothering you at this hour."

"I don't mind."

"No? Let me see her."

"I don't want to see him!" Kalifa, who had overheard the voices, yelled from the living room.

Lucci rolled his eyes and pushed past Kaku into the house.

Kaku remembered that Lucci used to come to his house all the time when they were boys and they used to spar in the back yard.

Kalifa had sometimes tagged along, sometimes watched, sometimes joined in.

"That stupid girl is always here!" Eight-year-old Lucci had complained.

"I guess." Kaku had said.

"Tell her to leave."

"My parents are friends with hers. What can I do?"

But Kaku had had no intention of telling Kalifa to leave anyway.

He had loved her back then too.

"Does that stupid boy have to be here?" Seven-year-old Kalifa had complained to Kaku.

"He's my best friend."

"I don't care. He's scary."

But Lucci understood Kaku like no one else could. They read the same books, had both been taught to be contemptuous of weakness and yet Kaku was the only one Lucci even mentioned his feelings to.

And now, here they were roughly ten years down the track and how things had changed.

"I said I didn't want to see you!" Kalifa sprang to her feet as Lucci entered. "Kaku, I can't believe you let him in!"

"Don't take it out on Kaku because you're moody, Kalifa." Lucci said. "You're being ridiculous."

"_I'm_ ridiculous?"

"Guys," Kaku said sharply. "Look, I know a restaurant close by that has a fresh fish supply amongst other things. I think its half price for minors as well, so wouldn't everything be sorted if you just went there?"

"_Look, Lucci what if Kalifa trains with the equipment for twenty minutes and then you do. And while you wait you can tell me about that new manga you're reading, so wouldn't everything be sorted if we just did that?"_

His own voice from ten years ago sounded very far away in his mind.

"Well," Kalifa looked at Lucci.

Lucci sighed and slung his arm around her. "You're so difficult."

Kalifa giggled. "_I'm_ the difficult one?" She shot a wink at Kaku. "Actually, that would work. Thanks, Kaku."

Lucci nodded at him. "I'll take her to my place. Sorry to disturb you."

Kaku nodded and they saw themselves out, talking quietly like conspirators.

Kaku stood there for a few minutes before picking up Kalifa's tea.

It was cold.

_And then again. maybe things never change._ He thought as he picked up his book.

_Maybe we think they do because it seems like it on the outside. But in reality, it doesn't really, does it?_

xxx

Luffy's house was an utter tip.

To be honest, considering that it was _Luffy's_ house, Nami hadn't expected to see an organizational system in place.

His and Ace's dirty clothes were strewn over the carpet, plastic wrappers dumped anywhere and when Nami opened the fridge, every shelf was meat.

She sighed.

She was round Luffy's house because she had suggested they study together. Or rather, she teach Luffy what 'studying' meant.

Or rather, she seduced him.

Somehow.

"Luffy," She twisted round and gave him a wink. "How about you wait in your bedroom? I'll be right up."

"Oh," Luffy said. "Okay." And walked up the stairs.

Nami braced herself against the wall.

She needed a few minutes to mentally prepare herself.

Was she going to sleep with him, or-?

"I swear,"

Nami jumped as Ace's voice came out of nowhere from behind her and she spun round to see him leaning casually against the living room doorframe. "My little brother gets all the luck."

"W-what are you talking about?" Nami dug her nails into the palms of her hands.

"Oh, you know," Ace eyed her in an unnervingly penetrating way. Like he knew exactly what she was up to. "Girls, for example. That model- Boa Hancock- absolutely nuts for him and Caimie in your class had a little crush on him too if the rumors are true." He grinned. "And now the prettiest girl in school is vying for his attention. Life really isn't fair."

"I'm not 'vying' for anyone's attention," Nami said, with dignity. "I'm just here to study with him."

"'Study'? Is that what the kids are calling it these days?"

"Shut up!" Losing it a little, Nami blushed.

There was a crash as Ace slammed his hand against the wall right by her head. He was very close, but his voice was still soft.

"I can tell your heart's not in it," He said, his eyes not moving from her face. "Who put you up to this, huh?"

Nami's heart skipped. "What are you-?"

"If you're planning to hurt my brother-"

"Rather overprotective, aren't you?"

"It's sometimes necessary."

"You should let him make his own mistakes."

"I certainly class you as a 'mistake'."

They stared each other down a second longer.

"I'm Luffy's nakama now," Nami said quietly, pulling away a little. "He trusts me."

"That's why you're so dangerous."

"Do you really think I'm so despicable that I would toy with him like that?"

_Yes._ Nami thought. _Yes, I am that despicable._

"No," Ace said, surprising her. "That's why I asked you who put you up to it."

Nami couldn't let him keep going back to that. The more she tried to avoid the subject, the more she'd end up giving herself away.

"Or could it be," She said slowly, walking back towards him and tugging his collar sharply towards her. "That you're just jealous?"

Ace bit his lip.

Nami felt a small thrill of triumph as she regained control, but the thrill became panic as Ace suddenly moved closer.

Suddenly she could feel his breath on her cheek and she stiffened, yet unable to take her hand away from his collar.

Then she heard a small snuffling sound and glanced down at his face.

To see that he was sleeping peacefully.

"IDIOT!" Nami's kick landed him on the other side of the room. "DON'T FALL ASLEEP IN THE MIDDLE OF SEDUCING SOMEONE, YOU PRICK!"

Luffy bounded down the stairs. "What happened?"

"Your stupid brother!" Nami spat.

Luffy grinned. "Yeah," He said. "I got the brains in the family."

Nami shook her head. "That's a terrifying thought."

xxx

Zoro liked to think that he didn't get angry.

He got even.

He had honed his mind far enough that he could keep his cool in the middle of even the toughest battle situations.

So, why- God _why_- did he want to take out his swords and turn the mall into a pile of up-town rubble?

_Robin._

Just thinking the damn woman's name got him riled up and he slammed his foot against the chair opposite him, startling the person seated on it.

It had been her who had chosen the mall for their first proper, official date and here she was- twenty, no, twenty-_five_ minutes late.

Zoro was not like that idiot blonde, Sanji.

He couldn't forgive her and fall lovingly at her feet just because she was a woman.

The artificially blue fountain glittered prettily at him and Zoro wanted to stamp his foot in the water.

No, he _wouldn't_ forgive her.

He was a warrior, not the perfect boyfriend.

When she got here, he was going to tell her straight out.

Yes.

"_I call the shots in this relationship, damn woman!"_

Yes, that's what he would say.

Zoro nodded to himself.

Right. Just as soon as she-

"Sorry, am I late?"

Zoro looked up and saw a smiling Robin dressed in a simple white T-shirt dress that hugged her perfect figure so tightly that she didn't need a belt to bring in her waist or any unneeded accessories.

She was utterly exquisite and Zoro would have thought so even if she had come in wearing a stained tracksuit.

"No," Zoro found himself saying. "I'm just early."

_What the hell am I doing?_

Robin laughed. "You're very polite. I know I'm late."

Regaining his composure a little, Zoro stood up and put his hands in his pockets. "Well, it doesn't matter now." He said airily.

_Okay, yes, new strategy: I'll be the bigger person-_

Robin's small, soft hand delved into his pocket and curled round his palm, intertwining her fingers with his.

She gave his hand a squeeze.

"Where should we go first?"

"You choose." Zoro muttered.

"No, no," Robin winked. "You're the man."

Zoro flushed slightly (something he'd never be caught dead doing in front of anyone else).

"How about-?"

"How about the shoe shop?" Robin suggested.

"So I don't get to choose?"

"I'm so glad you agree!"

"I never ag-!"

"Let's go then!"

Zoro sighed and fell into step with her as she led him along.

He still wasn't sure of when they had officially began dating.

He had been attracted to her beauty and confidence, not to mention intelligence, immediately. Yet, at the same time: he didn't trust her an inch.

There was something behind her stunning black-blue eyes that she was hiding.

But, even that excited him.

"So," Zoro glanced at her and glanced away, nonchalantly attempting to make intelligent conversation. "What book are you reading at the moment?"

Robin gave him a sly look. "Please," She said. "You first."

_Shit._

"Oh, er," Zoro stammered. "The-er, you know, the- the- a-"

Robin giggled.

Zoro flushed yet again, pissed.

Why did she always insist on making him look like a complete idiot?

"Oh, Zoro," Robin said. "It's okay. I know you can't read."

"You're pushing it, woman." Zoro muttered.

"As for me, I'm reading about original transcendentalist theories and theology and how their views affect everyday life and modern philosophy."

She had lost him at 'original', but Zoro wasn't about to admit it.

"Oh." He said, nodding. "Right. Those. Yeah, good book."

Robin hid a smile. "Would you like me to break down the words for you? Maybe I could _write_ it down?"

"I'm fine!" Zoro snapped.

The couple almost ran into a group of guys lingering by the Guess store, but Robin let go of Zoro's hand long enough to walk round.

"Whoa!" One guy in a hoodie crowed when he spotted her. "Well, well, would you look that that?"

His friend whistled, raking Robin up and down with his eyes. "That's premium quality right there, man."

"Hey, honey," The first one sidled up to Robin, who was eyeing him apathetically. "Why don't you ditch your plans and hang out with us for a while? We'll treat you right, won't we guys?"

His group catcalled raucously.

"I really don't think you want to talk to me like that." Robin told him politely.

"Oh yeah?" The guy snorted. "And why's that?"

"Because I'm here with my boyfriend."

"Ooh!" The group laughed.

"Oh, so sorry, your _boyfriend_!" The guy snorted. "Alright, where is he? Who's the wimp?"

"That," Zoro grinned, cracking his knuckles. "Would be me."

xxx

"You really didn't have to go so far." Robin commented as Zoro dragged her down the marble aisle. "I think you really hurt that one with the grey hoodie."

Zoro didn't reply.

"It's going to be weeks before that blood comes out of the whitewash."

"Are you okay?" Zoro demanded.

"Of course." Robin said and Zoro swung round so he could get a better look at her. He held her wrist tightly.

"They didn't hurt you anywhere?"

"No," Robin cocked her head. "But if they did?"

"I go back there and kill them twice."

Robin reached out and laid her hand on Zoro's sharp cheekbone. "You don't have to do that." She said mildly. "I'm fine."

Her words soothed Zoro and he loosened his grip on her wrist.

Sometimes he was truly awed by this woman.

Not that those idiots would have been anything she couldn't have handled, but Zoro had become so selfish about her.

He didn't want her to have to use her strength.

He wanted to take the pain for her.

They walked for a while longer in an odd kind of silence and chose a bench right by the banister that overlooked the whole scope of the shining mall with all its bustling people, who had no time to pay attention to the young couple overhead.

Zoro felt peaceful just holding Robin's hand, but then he caught her gaze as she looked into the crowd as if mesmerized by what she saw.

A little girl was holding onto her mother's hand as they bought a Smartie cookie at the stall.

They seemed to be laughing about something.

An ordinary sight for most people, but a painful tug at the heart for Robin.

Zoro's peaceful feeling drained away as he remembered the real reason he thought Robin might have suggested this date.

The anniversary of her mother's death was today.

Zoro had known this and thought that she might have preferred to spend the this time to herself, so he had been surprised when she had called him.

Only now did he realize his insensitivity.

Who would want to be alone in an empty house on a day like this?

Robin looked away as the mother and daughter melted back into the crowd.

There was an odd shimmer to her pretty eyes and Zoro's own heart twisted.

How stupid it had been to suppose this woman was invincible.

He had never known anyone so strong and so fragile.

Robin took a deep breath, looking ready to speak, but, in the end, she sank against Zoro's shoulder with something like relief and Zoro knew that without saying a word she had just told him that she was glad she had come today.

_Damn woman._

Without a word of his own, Zoro lifted her delicate hand to his lips and kissed the tips of her fingers with a gentleness he had never known he possessed.

They never said 'I love you', but sometimes you just didn't have to.

xxx

**Author's Note: I really, really want to know what you guys think so please, please review. And I hope you enjoyed this chapter! I chose the title because in each pairing there is a clueless moron. (Luffy, Kalifa and-yes- Zoro XD).**

**Oh, and I want a new pairing to work on can you suggest any pairings you like that I could write a plot for? And is there anything you'd like to see happen with the pairings I do have?**

**Now, go on. Review. You know you really want to. Don't you? Eh? Eh?**

**Please.**

_Next Chapter: When You Least Expect It…_

_On one rainy day, Sanji and Nami suddenly get closer and Luffy reveals his –gasp- jealous side. Meanwhile, Zoro tries to take his relationship with Robin to the next step, but fate seems to disagree. And everyone bands together to try and get Jimbei a girlfriend._


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